you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
