Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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