you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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