I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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