You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
