i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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