Moan for me like Helen Keller
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
