Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
