I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least š
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
