Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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