He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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