Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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