You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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