its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
