and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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