Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
