Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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