In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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