when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
