Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We're facebook friends in real life
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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