No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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