I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
