How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
