just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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