we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
