I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
