So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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