made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
