i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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