Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
