After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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