We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
