tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
