she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
