I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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