I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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