I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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