i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
