well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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