u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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