just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
