The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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