Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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