I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
