Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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