I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
