Sorry, I don't speak sober.
handjob tips. give me some.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
