I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
