I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
