Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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