I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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