if you like me you must not know who I am
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
