so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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